A few years ago, I wrote this true account of one of the most glorious events of my life and recently found it on a Word document on an old computer. I think it’s worthy of sharing with the world. Enjoy.
A balmy day, Summer 2014 – I’m upstairs in my apartment in my boxers getting ready to hop in the shower after a long day landscaping. when I hear screaming coming from my girlfriend (at the time) downstairs. I throw shorts on and run downstairs to see what the hell is going on.
When I get to the door and run outside, I’m relieved to see she hasn’t been hacked to death with a hatchet –which, (based on the way she was screaming)–was a huge possibility.
Out of breath–she managed to tell me that some dude just stole my bike out of the garage, and that he and his friends took off down the street. My first reaction was who cares about the stupid bike – she was safe (I thought she was getting hacked apart) and I’ll just get another, and not to mention I’m sitting there in shorts hanging off my ass.
But then I look down the street and can see the group of people still walking down the sidewalk and think to myself — they are thinking that everything is cool and nobody saw / will do anything about the bike — they already let their guard down.
What’s the last thing they expect right now???? Some crazy asshole running up on them to get that bike back — so that’s exactly what I did. I took off running down the street after them and caught up to them at a corner store parking lot. There was one kid (they were like high school seniors) walking, one of them was on a skateboard, and two on bikes–neither of which were mine (the dude who stole my bike took off and separated from the group).
So I thought some street justice was in order. I threw the one kid off his bike and told him that “this is mine now” and started riding it away as I told him that if he wants it back, then he can call his boy and get mine.
After riding it for about 10 feet i realized it was a huge piece of shit, so I got off it, turned around and threw the bike at him, pointed to his friend and told them that I wanted that one. Apparently this got the attention of the police and about a dozen spectators and I was never able to get the other bike.
The police knew of the guy that took it and said they would look into it. Whatever, they have better things to do (i hope).
I only knew a couple things at that time:
1. Those kids were shitting their pants and would most likely never help anyone steal another bike
2. My bike was somewhere in Kenmore
3. The person that stole it would have to ride it in order to get rid of it…and it’s a really small town.
For the next 24 hours I checked out literally everyone on a bike — men, women, children — if they were on a bike, i was making sure the bike wasn’t a Huffy Baywatch.
That particular evening (the day after if was stolen) I went out to get some clams on Hertel with couple of friends that I usually never go out with, it was totally an unexpected night out. It had to be around 10pm when I was driving home down Colvin,, between Hertel and Tacoma when I passed this guy riding a bike down the middle of the road. I drove by and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw the word “Huffy” on the bike.
Thinking I was seeing things I pulled over and waited for him to pass again….IT WAS MY BIKE. I knew it –now was my chance to score a win for any little kid that ever got their bike stolen.
So I drove passed him again, pulled over, and got out of my truck (so he was pedaling toward me). I made it look like I was attempting to cross the road, and when he was about to ride by me I tackled his ass off the bike in the middle of the street. He slipped out of my reach and ran to the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street — I told him that this was my bike and that I’m taking it back.
I threw it in the back of my truck and still have it to this day. And the dude’s eyes when I drove off was priceless — like he saw a ghost. I don’t think he will be purchasing stolen bikes again.
